Friday, September 18, 2009

His First Dance.

Its 9:30pm. One more hour till i go pick up my teenage son from his very first 'dance'. I wasnt ready for this. Not emotionally. Or mentally. Or any other kind of '-ally'. He said he wasnt interested in going. Then half an hour before it started, he wants to go. He gets dressed. And hes so tall. And handsome. And grown up. And vaguely irritated with my fussing. And nonchalant as he waves goodbye and strolls into the building. Past a googling gaggle of girls. And i sit in my parked car and watch him go. And i want to cry. And be happy at the same time. Because hes a confident and outgoing young man. With friends. (and not a tangled mess like his mother was when she went to her first dance) Because hes just taken another huge step into the big bad world. Without me. And thats as it should be. But it still cuts. For a brief wild moment - I wished fervently that he was just a teensie bit socially inept. That he had bedraggled self-esteem that trailed behind him in tatters. Tripping him at every turn. Then maybe he wouldnt go to dances. Ever. And then girls wouldnt google. And gaggle. And he'd stay home. With me. And listen raptly while i read him Harry Potter. Again. Or watch Barney. For the millionth time. Or beg me to take him to McDonalds. Or hug me and say "Im going to be your little boy forever mum. I never want to grow big."
He made dinner before he went out. And worked on his Geography project. And played with his little sister the Beast. And told me i should definitely NOT make any excuses but get my butt out the door for my afternoon run. He's all the words you want to read in a school report card. 'Mature, responsible, hard working, serious,a natural leader, great at sports, a pleasure to teach...' Im not quite sure how he turned out so well. Considering he was our first. The guinea pig in the experimental laboratory of 'Darren and Lani Young's Parenting'. Surprisingly unscathed.

I wonder. Whats he doing at that dance? And who is he doing what with? At my first dance...I 'borrowed' a red shirt from my mothers closet so i could be like the woman in my fave song - "Lady in Red'. A denim skirt and LA Gear Hi-tops from aunty Lu completed the ensemble. Ewww... i think i wore orange bobble socks. What a hideous thought! It was on a Pesega compound street. Under a Samoan starry sky. With songs from the 80's. There was a first crush. A first slow song dance. A first time holding hands....OKAY that does it...ENOUGH REMINISCING - There'll be none of that at that dance tonight...Im going to pick him up right now!

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